He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
