i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
