I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
