So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
