All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
