He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
