The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
