On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
