I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
