Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
worst night to have a conscience
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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