you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Drunk is a universal language darling
This toilet bowl is my home.
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