if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
