guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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