i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
