is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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