remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize