Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize