i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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