please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
