No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
