I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
