Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
