I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
