My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
