Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
