oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
