My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
