so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
