Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
