38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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