Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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