I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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