You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
