Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
