I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
