Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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