There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
