Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
