There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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