You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
