it was like eating out sand paper
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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