At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I need a beard to bite.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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