When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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