So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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