the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
