I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
