i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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