Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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