id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize