i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
