Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
