I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
