she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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