I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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