My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
