I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
