last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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