You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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