It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
