I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
