he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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