Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
