Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
