i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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