And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
