What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
