google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
