I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
