we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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