Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
