I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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